It's 10:27 pm, and about a half hour ago, we returned from the wedding of Aaron and Christina Brose. I'll put up a whole post about it tomorrow, but I'm actually using the blog tonight as a bit of therapy.
Today has been a bit emotional for our family. There was a significant event that happened on our floating trip today (yes, another post to come on that "overall fun experience" too) that resulted in hurt feelings with our boys - and consequently a bit of parenting drama in how to deal with it.
Conversation then ensued on the 45 minute trip to the wedding about that event between John and I - (it was just the two of us that attended). By the time we arrived, I was not at all prepared for socialization. I have been in my own insulated vacation cocoon for the last week and entering back in to the relationships we've been a part of within the college ministry felt oddly out of place. I felt like I was still licking my wounds from John and I's conversation. While it was very productive, sometimes these points of discussion tend to expand to other "points" - and productive doesn't always mean easy.
I'm pretty certain the wedding couple will never read this blog, but even if they did I'd want them to know that they were worth it - it's a guy John's been meeting with since "Day 1" of our days with the collegians. And it was a very beautiful wedding. However, my heart was elsewhere, still dissecting how I handled our conversation - and missing the "ease" of being back at the rental home escaping reality and being immersed in my book in the hot tub with my family surrounding me.
Then, during the reception some conversation happened that enlightened me about some circumstances within the lives of these now post-graduate young men and women. One situation in particular touched a nerve within me that I was really surprised to find hurt as much as it did. Sometimes I think with a few of these "young men and women" - their perception of John and I is that we are "older adults" - so consequently things that relationally don't go so well wouldn't really end up hurting our feelings because we aren't really their peers. Let it be said that that is an assumption. Any relationship that doesn't end well has an impact, even when it's among two adults 15 or so years apart in age. And for me, one relationship like that in particular has really felt like a failure. This evening added to that, and I wasn't prepared.
Let it be said, that by the time we left my heart was kind of shredded. More conversation happened between John and I and it was clear that more hurts needed to be processed. Trying to sort through my own confessions of selfishness and unrealistic expectations with what I felt like I deserved to communicate that had hurt me was quite the challenge. It brought some tears. It was not a piece of cake to be sure, but it brought John and I closer and taught us how to show love to one another even more, so it was worth it.
Both of my kids have this bad tendency of using one bad scenario (or maybe a couple) to declare the entire day or experience "the worst ever". I get where they are coming from, I remember having that same attitude. But, I work hard to teach them that one "learning experience" does not automatically negate any joy that will unfold as time goes on. I need to take my own advice right now and recognize that this truly has been a spectacular vacation, and just because it's been a "very low" evening, it doesn't mean that the outcome hasn't ultimately resulted in "better" in the long run.
Thanks for letting me process. =)