That's what I've been feeling like lately- just kind of catching the surf and going in its control and not mine. And, every now and then I "lose it" end up underwater and emerge thinking, which direction am I even facing?
It feels silly and terribly selfish to even focus on my lack of compass when my friend, Amy, is so uncomfortable right now trying to get through these first couple of weeks of intense recovery. Talk about a body feeling like its taken a pounding.
But, yesterday, as Lisa and the kids were visiting Michele and I, I found myself so cranky - (you know its bad when I'm shoving Baxter away from me) - I thought, what's my problem? There have been a number of moments this week that have been so memorable, so special - and yes, some moments I've had when it's been "all about me" (shopping at Kohls with Michele - wow, did we score!). But, I think it's all of these different direction shifts that have been so discombobulating. One minute I think Brayden's game is a certain time, the next minute I find out it has changed. I changed my time to deliver a meal, so I felt the need to get it ready yesterday. The kids need me, Michele needs me (to do something I'd asked her to do, so it wasn't her fault at all). The phone is ringing, "dates" with people need changed - and oh yeah, technically this Veterans' Day off is a school night, so let's make sure the kids are ready for school.
Once again, none of this stuff is a trial in and of itself, but by 4pm, I'd already shifted from the Thermacare patch on my neck (that is such a GREAT product, btw!) and found myself securing an icepack on my neck with my scarf. When we've gotten to the point of ice.....it's not going to get better until I sleep. And, that's why, after delivering my meal to Amy (and feeling like a wimp registering my own measly pain in comparison) - John told me I really should choose to stay home and skip his game. Thankfully, they won, so it wasn't the last game of the season that I missed seeing.
So, on the docket for today......alone time. Time to get my bearings (as well as my house cleaned) - and orient myself to what lies ahead, with enough left over so that when the next tide hits I'm firmly grounded.