Saturday, August 12, 2006

An Abundant Day

They say that the difference between an extrovert and an introvert is whether being around groups of people derives energy or depletes energy. It's very safe to say that my husband is a true extrovert. I am not.

There are a handful of people in my life whose presence absolutely gives me comfort. They make me happy simply by being around me - it takes no energy on my behalf because I know that I can completely ignore them and they will take no offense. They love me no matter what and so I do not worry what I do or say with them - I can simply be me. Beyond that, however, I prefer my groups of people to be small - under five. Though it takes energy to have conversations, it usually is well worth it in the positive feelings I come away with from their uniquely discovered personalities. Take it beyond a group of five, and well, I guess the best I can do is look to find those smaller groups to mingle with. I'm not much of a surface conversationalist - I am a commonality (is that a word?) person. To connect, it's important for me to quickly discover those things that another person has in common with myself and from there - begin to explore. I think that's why it was very difficult for me emotionally in Kenya and Mexico doing missionary work. I was never able to make that common connection and I felt EXTREMELY isolated, worthless, and depressed as a result. (Having an ex-fiance use that as a basis for calling off the wedding didn't help either!).

All this brings me back to my wonderful day today. Who'd have thunk it? But, one of the happiest days I've had in weeks is a day in which I'm alone and cleaning the "filthy" areas of my house. I won't go into details about where those are at for fear you'd look for them in the future, and that's not the point. The point is, I'm alone and my soul is delighted. I've been blaring a favorites CD I've put together - mostly contemporary Christian praise songs - and then a few oldies. Amy Grant's "Lead Me On" has me continuously hitting "repeat" - and Carly Simon's "Let the River Run' makes me so happy. I'm singing, praising the Lord, and being very productive - all things that my emotional spirit has desperately been crying for.

Now, this is not to say, that the last couple of days watching over a dozen episodes of Veronica Mars with my best friends, or shopping without children, or watching Will Ferrell on the big screen haven't been fun..... but, today is "abundant".

4 comments:

StephieAnne said...

I forgot to give a big thank you to my love who is off being an exrovert with the kids at a wonderful, annual, group camp-out hosted by a friend. You're my hero!

HollieHobbie said...

That sounded awesome, Steph! How relaxing it is to get stuff done without little people either interrupting or messing it up right afterwards. ahhhh I am basking in the mental picture of a kind of day like that for me; I think I need to get Pete to take the kids "away" for a day. Glad you had a good one!

JustMe said...

I think this is my favorite post from you...it's "YOU" to the core, at peace with who God created you to be, working with it, enjoying that alone time with gusto! I love just being way inside my own head, too, doing productive things like painting the ceiling, feeling no anxiety. I also understand what it's like to look back on a really painful chapter in your life and be thankful because it was for the best - but still a little annoyed at the injustice of someone who should know you so intimately, totally messing up. I like who you've become, Steph. I wish I hadn't been hurtful toward you when I was in "wounded cornered animal" mode - have I ever said I'm sorry? I am. I'm sure you've already forgiven me (many times, if necessary), but I am sorry, and embarrassed. Thanks for loving me when I wasn't loveable. Sorry to air this all in public but I don't have your email, and I've been convicted about this apology for a long time.

StephieAnne said...

Yes, Heather, you've totally said you're sorry - and of course, you are totally forgiven! That's a painful part of your life, but no longer who you are either. I can't imagine going through the pain you did, but your testimony to others is so full of courage, faith, and perserverence - it's so inspiring. Thanks for the praise for the post, I actually stopped mid-day what I was doing to write it out, because it was such a revelation of who I am and how I felt at the time.