My heart is heavy right now as there are some people close to my heart that are burdened with a weight that should not be theirs. Situations lately have brought the issue more to the surface, and despite their best efforts its beyond their power to remedy the situation - as what can a child do, to ever fully earn the favor of their parent - even when that child is now an adult?
This isn't just one individual I'm thinking of, or two, or three......and in a couple of circumstances as well, the parent has passed away, leaving the son or daughter with that unresolved question of what they did wrong, to never fully merit the unconditional love of that parent.
Those feelings that perpetually run through their mind equated with their parent - frustration, shame, unworthiness, feeling ignored, feeling used, feeling like you aren't "good enough" compared to your siblings, feeling like you were more trouble than you were worth. Or maybe it's just "nothing". No reason why, no explanation - it's as if you just don't matter to that parent. I know I shouldn't judge, but it seems to me that if a person chooses to bring another life into the world, that nurturing that child with love is the most important thing that parent needs to do. And, at this age, time and time again, with every "hang up/issue" us 30-40 somethings seem to have to wrestle with, 90% of the time its traced back to that lack of parent support/love.....and so the legacy continues.
I can't force anyone of these parents who've already messed up to all of a sudden change their ways - and make it clear - abundantly clear - that they really do love their children - not just with words, but in actions. But, I can take these stories and apply them to my own life, and give my children what my parents gave me, the knowledge that NO MATTER WHAT, nothing will ever cause me to ever stop loving them.