Even though I am no longer attending school, a big part of me has the same anxiety as the school year comes around - as a part of me is going through it all over again with my kiddos. The other day, I asked Brayden if he was excited about going to school....to sum it up, NOT REALLY was his answer. It isnt that he doesnt want to learn, he just doesnt want the work that goes with it. Despite my relatively high level of academic achievement, that totally summed up both Michele and Is attitude (this lack of punctuation is getting old, but I will have to lose my computer for a week and spend 70 bucks, neither of which I am quite ready to do just yet). We did the work to show we could, to please our parents, to impress our teachers, but we didnt really like it, it was work, it was pressure - long story short, it was doing something we wouldnt have chosen to do on our own accord.
And, so as another school year begins in 48 hours, I find myself back in time, relating to my sons feelings, and feeling a familiar pressure. Sure, hes the one meeting the new teacher and friends - and trying to fit in and have fun. But, I am the one making sure he is waking up on time, insuring that that homework is done, making sure he is dressed right and looking okay - and all the while feeling guilty that I am doing all this because he is now a third grader and should be doing many of these things without prompting. I find myself worrying that he will not have the right kids to hang out with at lunch or recess, or that his first year playing flag football will be his last because he just wont show the kind of effort he needs to. I worry that his strong start in school, particularly reading, will disolve with his lack of effort and interest over the summer (and in general) and that the pushing we have to do to get him to do anything school related will have to continue through college!
And, then, little things happen and I feel like its going to be okay. School is important, but it is not everything in this world. As Brayden asked already to write his Christmas list for Santa, I was reminded of several things - 1) He is capable of planning ahead and being organized =) 2) His handwriting has actually improved quite a bit, and 3) He isnt growing up too soon. Its going to to be okay. He has had three wonderful teachers that have been just right for him and we were just informed that he scored with the one teacher we were really praying for. I hope this teacher loves Brayden for all of his quirks - and appreciates them. And, as for football, we just returned from practice and he did great. Granted, hes small, slow, and behind the learning curve a bit (most of the boys have been on the team for 2 seasons already), but he did great. He gave the effort he needed to and seemed to really enjoy it. He fit in, and my heart was thankful.
So, tomorrow morning, I will sleep in with the kiddos. Brayden will be allowed to play PS2 all day long if he wants. Myself, along with the kids, will be eating whatever we want. Its the last day of freedom for a while - and that, in itself, is what I will be mourning - not so much the summer weather or activities, but the freedom to do and choose to do whatever we feel like. However, as we enter into a new season of disciplines and schedules, we will learn new things, achieve things we wouldnt have otherwise, and more likely than not, come away feeling pretty good about succeeding. Right now, Im dwelling in the last few moments of gluttony, and while it is good for the moment, it aint gonna cut it in the long run. It is time to step up, for my third grade little boy, and for myself. And, Im pretty sure, it is going to all end up all turning out okay.