Monday, July 07, 2008

Let Down

Now, I bet you few faithful readers of mine are expecting me to launch into my bi-annual tirade of how wonderful it is for life to slow down a bit, and yet, how that sometimes creates an emotional let down - which is a bummer for now, but a bit of a necessity in this big roller coaster of life's emotions. But, nope. This post is about feeling let down by somebody else - and how best to appropriately deal with those feelings.

The exact circumstances leading me to write this are actually quite benign - and I think that's the whole point. What's a person to do when you are extremely limited on how to handle somebody else screwing up? Perhaps it's because you aren't in a place where you really can call them to the mat. Perhaps it's because, "this time" it wasn't really their fault. Perhaps, it's just, quite simply, a part of the very fabric that makes this person who they are.....

It's one thing when a person isn't repentant, but in this case they were, but it still hasn't remedied the problem. I guess, what I really want is action. Action that takes a little sacrifice - action that shows me that the person wants to make it right. (Wow, this is sounding eerily like the conversation John had with Brayden just last night).

Bottom line, even though I've spent the day pretty cranky about circumstances, and feeling justified in my anger- I'm not justified to hold on to it - to be bitter, or to be unloving. Because this sort of stuff I'm dealing with is nothing compared to the way I've hurt others - and especially Jesus, again, and again, and again. Have I said, "I'm sorry"? - sure, multiple times. Have I tried to make up for it? Yup, done that too. But do I continue to do the same sins over and over because it's in the very fabric of who I am? You betcha. The best I can do is to continue to seek His grace and mercy - and through Christ, strive to be more like him. But, I'll fail - I know it, just as surely as others will fail me. To be more like Christ is to extend that same forgiveness. Sometimes it's easier to be cranky.....and there you go, once again, it is me with the ultimate problem.


Gotta GROW with it said...

amazing sweet the sound!

thanks for being so transparent and REAL. i'm confident you will grow by leaps in all this too.

beeeeeeeee said...

Isn't blogging a great way to get this stuff out there? You have a great perspective and it sounds like you are processing, processing.

And isn't God's grace astounding? I hope your day is beautiful today. As always, you are in my prayers.