Beyond the Highlight Reel

Have you happened to see this little morsel floating through the Pinterest community?  I saw it a few weeks ago, and woah, did it hit home.

The older I get, the more I recognize this to be true, but it's taken until I'm nearly 40 to really get to this conclusion.

I think it has been a huge benefit to me to not have been exposed to Facebook until I was in my 30's.  I can't imagine what it would have done to my issues of anxiety, insecurity, and not-measuring-up were it constantly in my face in my teens and 20's.  Because, at that age - I would have taken everyone else's pronouncements of achievement as representations of their entire lives being ones of ease, perfection, or success in contrast to my own feelings of inadequacy. 

There is a person I was asked to be a friend with on Facebook about a year ago.  I have very limited interaction with her, and quite frankly she never gives me the time of day when I'm in her presence.  It didn't take long (especially when given a heads up by others) that her reason for asking me to be her friend was just to expand her audience so that she could have even more people to brag to about to regarding the achievements of her children or career path.  I found myself so bothered by her constant posting that I ended up "hiding" her - which is appropriate for me as I became quite judgmental whenever I saw an update from her.  What changed my perspective, however, was getting a little bit of background on her and what inspires her need for others to see her and her family as successful.  It stems from insecurity.  While it explains a lot, it is still hard to stomach her antics - and for the record, she remains hidden so I keep myself from thinking negatively.

I mention all this because I have my own avenue of sharing my life in the form of this blog.  While I've made it clear that the purpose for this blog is first and foremost for our own family's history, I still would be very sad to be perceived as anything but transparent with the highs and lows of our family.

Obviously, I'm going to want to record more of the good than the bad.  But, it's not all sunshine and roses (especially not sunshine in Oregon!!!).  On the flipside, I don't want to turn into "Debbie Downer" blogger either.  I would hope that despite the days where circumstances don't result in happiness, in general you would see an aspiration and sense of contentment and joy in our lives that is only by the grace of God.

As a caveat, though, I'm just going to put it out there, that when it comes to pictures, I'm just enough insecure in my appearance to not pick ugly ones to post.  We take thousands and thousands of pictures with our camera - and if it looks a little unbalanced towards the good poses and smiles, it's because I've picked the best.  Sorry.  =)

So, I'm going to try and be intentional of sharing more "behind the scenes" (especially after quite the Maui highlight reel!).  Part of my concern in sharing is the judgment that may come back at me through comments from folks wanting to "call me out" or "share their opinion" over my circumstance.  So, it will be a balancing act to share situations that I feel confident enough about to not get upset if responses come up like that.  (I've even gotten wound up on comments from readers on other bloggers I care about, getting defensive about the attacks these bloggers have taken when they've been transparent....I need to chill out sometimes!).

As promised, my first BTS ("Behind The Scenes") moment will be about that "discussion" John and I got into while in Maui.  Let's call it for what it was, a full on verbal sparring.   I will set the scene.  John had had very little sleep the days prior to leaving.  He woke up at 1am the day we left and while he napped on the plane, it still didn't amount to as much as he needed.  I was not impressed with his driving (too aggressive) or his snarky attitude by the time we finally got to our beloved hotel room.  I was critical of how he unloaded the luggage.  We narrowly avoided a major issue that night.

About 36 hours later, after the first full day of busy-ness, we came to a point of question as to what our day would look like.  I was itching to go exploring, but felt a reluctance from John to want to do much of that - and so that set up an internal defensiveness within me.  I felt insecure about pulling the whole crew into an activity I was pushing, I was disturbed that he didn't seem to be having fun, and therefore I judged him for not being more of an active participant.  For the record, he was content, but wasn't necessarily having the time of his life watching me try to snorkel while the kids weren't even successful.  Things were brewing. 

By the time we got to the restaurant that night, he had specific expectations for where he wanted to sit.  It was in contrast to the comfort of others in our group (though he wasn't aware).  I tried to bring that up but he thought I was addressing something else.  That ticked me off.  I felt like it was "all about him".  Then, the waitress came.  He wanted to know what he should order and took five minutes asking questions.  I used to be a waitress.  I know what it's like to have tables and orders waiting and this woman probably had better things to do than answer his questions pertaining to switching up menu items.  She made a comment, I rolled my eyes and made a comment I thought was benign.  But NO, that's not how John perceived it.  John wanted to settle it in front of everyone that I had disrespected him.  I refused to drag our group through that, especially because it was clear everyone was uncomfortable with the tension mounting.  John persisted, I resisted.  We got over it for a while, but then it resurfaced as we returned to the hotel. 

In the process of over 60 minutes of working this thing out, we did our best to avoid raising our voices, generalizations, dragging up past mistakes, character assaults, cussing, or exaggerating.  However, outside of cussing (that's become a form of "default win" between us:  if the other resorts to that...it's kind of an indicator between the two of us that if you are so out of control you are cussing, then you are obviously wrong...it's funny, but true, therefore it doesn't happen often!) all of the rest DID happen at some point.  My favorite line (not going to say out of who's mouth it was uttered), "If you wanted to ruin my vacation, you've done a darn good job succeeding so far!!!".

The core argument pieces are nothing new or creative.  I can be controlling, defensive, and potentially indifferent to saying things that would hurt his feelings in a group setting.  John can be oversensitive, impulsive, and not always aware of how others perceive his actions/body language.  Both of us are very self-centered - selfishness is the number one sin issue we both struggle with.   I like to have a plan and see it completed.  (Both a positive and negative).  John has the kind of effervescent personality that when he is "on", it's hard not to smile and soar at his level, but when he is "off", it can take the whole group down with him.  (Both a positive and negative).   There was also an issue of him saying "I'm sorry" a lot more in our relationship than I do.  (Obviously, a complex statement in and of itself).

We battled for a long time.  There was lots of body language of exasperation and "I can't believe you just said that".  We re-hashed all of the issues.  But, when it came to that whole apology thing, a new tactic of explanation came to mind.  We are our kids.  Our kids are us.  We have a family in which Brayden is very much like John in his tendencies and Mikayla is very much like me.  By taking a step back and looking at how they function and what we see in them and how we approach correcting them, it helped us see ourselves.  Brayden can be impulsive and often says "I'm sorry" for actions he does without thinking, but not huge issues.  Mikayla is methodical, a planner - she doesn't need to say she's sorry for a whole lot of impulsive actions.  But, Brayden is also so much more "present" and in the moment than Mikayla - who is frequently caught up in her planning or anxieties over the future.  He, just like his dad, can make or break the mood in a room very easily.  Mikayla, not so much.  Who knew that our own kids' behavior could be the catalyst for understanding each other?  It also took both of us getting down on our knees to lay it out before the Lord together.  (Another BTS moment, we don't do that kind of praying together like we should).  It's pretty hard to keep pretenses of righteousness and faultlessness up when you talking to the Almighty Lord who not only created us, but knows our thoughts and innermost being.

As I mentioned in the previous post, the resulting healing was huge.  John tends to dwell longer than myself, so it took him a bit longer (I'm often the practical one when it comes to resolution, ready to "call it good" as soon as its hashed out) - but, by the morning after more processing, we were so glad to have gotten through our personal garbage....until, at least, the next time!  (Not to mention, it's circumstances like that that takes a relationship from mundane and taken for granted, to all of sudden so valuable and intimate....).

Long blog post which, honestly, it's fine by me if you choose to ignore.  But, I think these are the sort of history "lessons" I'll want preserved for our family just as much as the ideal times.  =)  Stay tuned for the next BTS reveal!!!

P.S. - Just read this post aloud in front of John (and Brayden).  John approves and agrees with what I wrote, so you know that it's not all slanted to my point of view and am authorized to share =)

Re-Entry

I had expected gnashing of teeth and tears.  I had expected gray skies, rain, and gloom.  I had expected total lack of energy and feeling pretty much hungover.

I was wrong.

Thanks be to God, the giver of all good things - especially the 78 degrees yesterday of beautiful sunshine...here in Oregon.  Yes, you heard me right - spring finally arrived and it topped out to deliver its best on the first day we returned from Maui.

After this winter/non-existent spring, I honestly wonder if I'm not meant to live somewhere else.  I really do love this state - and appreciate it for all its beauty from about May through December.  But, winter and early spring (or lack of) here can be cruel - and this year has been especially horrendous.  I have really fought a general lack of happiness for the first three months of this year because of it.  And, I don't think I even realize just how much I'm feeling this way until a day comes along reminding me what spring is supposed to feel like (or even a glimpse of summer) and it becomes so noticeable just what I've been missing emotionally.

The last two major vacations we've been on in, (Maui in '08, Orlando in '10) have had us returning to horrible weather that has lasted that way for a while - even though the vacations were in late April and May.  Those transitions home were very, very hard for me, downright depressing.  I assumed it would be the same this year - and braced for it...but I'm not feeling it.

This weather is not supposed to last past tomorrow, so I might be singing a different tune on Wednesday, but for now - I'm loving Oregon.  On my drive through the small Americana town of Coburg just north of Eugene, en route to my favorite destination for hanging baskets and annuals - I witnessed colors of every kind, horses grazing in a field of daisies, and even a Dalmation running merrily through the parking lot of the town's fire station.  On days like today, I feel like Maui has nothing on what Oregon has to offer.  I just wish the "days like today" happened more often.  But, for today, I'm indeed grateful!!!

Now, off to the patio - to get those baskets hung and annuals potted...

(Oh, and by the way, in perfect ironic timing, my bookmarked "Weather Channel" site shows rain and 68 degrees in Lahaina, Maui - while we are sunny and 74!!!)

Adventures in Maui: Day Eight

As today is the day we checked out of our beloved Marriott Maui Ocean Club resort, I figured it would be fitting to take some pictures of the property directly in front of the tower where our room was located. It is kind of significant as later on there will be a comparison of the hotel we stayed at in Wailea.

We always forget to take a picture of what our room looks like while it is still clean, so I pulled some from a website...it's not exactly the same layout - but same decor.  The top is our room - viewed from part of the bathroom... (that's a two person jetted tub....Brayden and I sat in it with our swimsuits...oh, to have one of those at home!)  The second is a pic similar to the bedroom Travis and Steph had as part of our two bedroom unit.  And, the final is the living space separating the two bedrooms.

When we first started looking at flights and dates for this trip, we realized that by returning on a Saturday instead of the exact week later on a Friday, we'd save money. Hey, with a family of four flying, any little bit helps. So, we discussed it with the Whites and determined we all had enough Marriott Hotel points to book an additional night in the Wailea Beach Marriott (not a condos/time share location...this one is a hotel and spa). Of course, we loved the idea of an additional night, but I did not foresee just how helpful this would be in transitioning me emotionally to going home. The pack up process was so much less painful knowing we still had one more full day of adventuring to go - and for our own family, we were able to pack all we needed for that next day in one of our five checked-in bags. Therefore, once we were in Wailea, any further packing would be kept at a minimum.


Alright...Blogger is being difficult, so I'll do the rest in the morning.  That is, if I get any sleep.  Since we've gotten home from dinner here in Wailea, we've been honored to be able to hear and see all of the entertainment from the Luau on the lawn directly beyond our patio doors.  The bass is reverberating through the walls - it's so loud, especially if we open one of those doors.  It, along with several other issues has made us ever-so-thankful this isn't where we opted to stay all week long and that we aren't out a lot of money for this night!

UGH!  Next morning.  Worst night of sleep in Hawaii thus far.  Just as I had tuned out the loud bass karaoke-style luau singing, I was awakened by what sounded like a shotgun going off outside of our room.  It was about 10pm, and I'm thinking, "What?!!!"  Then the sounds came in repetition, like someone beating the biggest marching drum you've ever heard.  Finally, it dawns on both John and I....fireworks....lit right outside our room for the luau.  UNBELIEVABLE.  Maybe on another night, I'd find this enchanting, but Brayden, who got up to look outside reported we weren't even able to see the dazzling light display.  Instead, we are just able to hear the LOUD, OBNOXIOUS, "there's-no-way-you-can-sleep-through-this" thunder.   It was laughable at this point - but very destructive to my sleep habits, as it launched John and Brayden into a giggle fit and brought to realization that our air conditioner was less than effective which had me waking up sweating repeatedly through the night.  We are NOT impressed with this Marriott....

Which brings me to answer Colie's comment.  I think it was in 2006 that we were invited to Palm Desert for a Marriott presentation to consider being owners there.  We had known about the location (Marriott Ocean Club) in Maui since being on the island together in 1998 (but staying at a friends' home) - and this was our ultimate destination of choice for a dream vacation.  We listened attentively during that presentation and decided to go ahead and purchase a week with a lock-off unit in Palm Desert.  We've never been back.  We use our week to exchange with others (made easier by enrolling in the points program), which has allowed us to go to Maui twice, Lake Tahoe, and Orlando (for the whole family...we were able to get three units for that week).  I'm not necessarily convinced it is the most economic way to fund a vacation (especially when the maintenance dues bill comes in January), but I think we've taken advantage of it to its fullest.  So, there's our "timeshare" story.

Okay, on to Wailea.

 

Here's the "upgraded ocean view room" we were given.  We actually scored in that our room was ready way before the normal check in time of 4pm.  We got in at 11 (the Whites, who were the ones who'd actually requested an early check in, had to wait the full time...if it weren't for the queen beds instead of their king bed request, they might have booted us!)  This allowed us to get all of our luggage brought in (by taking a golf cart with the bellboy) and change so that we were able to change and grab swimsuits for adventures at the various pools on this property. 

 
The view from our property.  This IS impressive.  And, for the record, that's actually the other side of Maui we are looking at. 

The coastline in front of our room is NOT sandy, though further down the beach it is.  We opted to therefore bypass that water and go right to the chlorinated stuff.

This is a pic of the "main pool".  Rather stark, clean, and might I say, "stuffy", huh?  We stayed there about an hour.  The tranquility was actually killing me after having been part of the liveliness at Kaanapali.

This is the "adults only" Serenity pool.  We had to walk through to get to the other part of the property.  (We told the kids to be very, very quiet and appropriate!).  It has one of those invisible edges where it gives the illusion that the water just drops into the ocean.

En route to the "lively pool".

Alright, this area is more my style.  Only a couple of other families were there, it was colorful and fun.  The kids played for a couple of hours on the slides - and even got John and I to give it at least one try.  Too many fun pics to choose from, so I went with more than usual...

Shortly after the Whites were finally given their room key, we walked back to the main lobby and met out front.

Finally, the group picture that has been nagging me all week to make happen.  Not a bad backdrop either.

Props to the HUGE koi fish the hotel has swimming in this waterfall.

We searched through all sorts of sources to find the kind of restaurant that would fit our families' preferences....things are a lot more upscale here.  So, despite the less than stellar reviews, we opted for the "Cheeseburger in Paradise" here in Wailea.  Same menu as the one in Lahaina, so we knew it would be good.  We actually liked it better!

This bird was as close to us as he looks.  He had a bad leg, or at least he looked like it limping around.  We weren't sure if he just used that to get more handouts.

After dinner, we cruised through the many shops of the Wailea Mall (located across the parking lot of our hotel and as well as where the restaurant was).  I love that my kids still want to hang on me...

After another round of ice cream, we headed back (I should be fasting for a week after this vacation!).  John used some special shutter speed settings on his camera to catch these images on his way back to our room. 

And, finally, that luau outside of our door....grrrrr!

At 12:45, our flight leaves Maui, lays over in Honolulu, and then, due to the time change, we don't get into Portland until nearly midnight tonight. It will be another long day! But, oh so worth it - what a grand adventure this has been!!!!

Adventures In Maui: Day Seven

Given it had been about 36 hours since I'd had any semblance of protein, and had been lying in bed since 1pm the previous afternoon, I was itchin' to get up and get going Thursday morning - particularly in search of breakfast! So I talked the whole family to go on a walk down the Kaanapli promenade in search of a restaurant serving breakfast. As we hadn't headed south yet - I opted for that direction, but we ended up hitting a dead end (along with some whiny kids). We did catch this cool pic though:

So, we decided to go towards Whaler's Village - figuring we'd find a restaurant that direction.  Not a lot of luck.  In fact, we sat down at the Tropica...but upon seeing French Toast priced at $17 and oatmeal at $9, we got up and left.  Another walk was in store for us, as we headed back to the room, picked up the vehicle keys and Travis (Steph was still dealing with the kidney stone), and headed to Moose McGillicuddy's as they served breakfast and even had a BOGO deal. 

Their French Toast was SO MUCH BETTER, so much cheaper, and included bacon.  This was definitely the meal the kids polished off best. 

Back at the hotel, we took advantage of our last day by hanging out poolside.  John got pictures of the kids going down the slide. 

For dinner, it was a return trip to Bubba Gumps - as we all enjoyed our meal and server so much before.  Along the way, glimpses of a gorgeous rainbow. 

And, for dessert, a return to "Scoops".  Yummy!!!!  (Don't worry, I got myself a cone after taking their picture!)

While eating our ice cream, we gave this little gal, Malay, some money for a Hula National Fundraising effort.  We ran into her later and teased her about getting ripped off, so we wanted her to prove she could really hula.  So, she taught Mikayla a few moves I remember learning in second grade myself...."Everybody loves a hukeela, hukee, hukee, hukee, hukee, hukee, hukeela!"

It was the perfect way to end a wonderful evening.  Back to the room and off to bed a bit early (lingering headache), before getting up ready to leave Kaanapali and spend one more day in Waleia.