Senior Bowl

When we found out that Kenjon was one of the handful of seniors EVER chosen from the University of Oregon football team to participate in the "Senior Bowl" we felt like we ought to invite the gang of friends that have supported him here in Eugene to watch his game together.

I threw together the kind of meal I'd most want to eat.  Minus the cole slaw (not a fan, but I thought it'd go well on the menu) - this is totally the sort of meal that would be among my "favorites". 

Drew and Kaela showed up last - they brought an AMAZING tasting pineapple to eat, that was passed around the table to snack on during the game.

While it was great to have someone to watch, I can't say the game was a whole lot more entertaining than what we've witnessed in year's past.  Without the "team" to root for - or much of an outcome to care about, it just loses its luster.  We were also really disappointed that Kenjon didn't get much playing time, and when he was in, the couple of passes thrown to him were very inaccurate and impossible to complete.  With all of the hype he's had in the practices leading up to the game, even the announcers were asking "Where's Kenjon Barner?".

I guess the coach must have heard that, as he was put in during the very last part of the game - and sure enough, scored a touchdown.   In fact, he had the most yards (and receptions) for the entire North Team.  I found this online, as they put Kenjon in the category of the three "winners" of the entire North/South team in terms of performance:

"Kenjon Barner: Barner only had three carries for 13 yards, but showed a lot of versatility catching the ball. The Oregon running back caught seven passes for 59 yards, including a late touchdown pass from Zac Dysert."

At halftime, I caught a glimpse of sunshine (oh so rare these days!), so I asked Mikayla if she wanted to join me playing a little bit of volleyball.  We were even kind of discreet, but sure enough, we had a following.  This delights me for so many reasons, 1) we're using the court, 2) we're using the volleyball net and proving it may even be the most fun activity on the court, 3) Mikayla held her own at 11 years old among all of the "adults" (and got some good practice time) - and finally.... 4) I was the one that initiated GAME PLAYING!!!

Nice block, Travis - too bad it's illegal when being done against a serve....cheater!

That's quite a vertical jump for Drew!!

We were originally playing "just for fun" with the girls and John on one team and the rest of the guys on the other team.   When we were playing without keeping score, we were smoking them.  But, as soon as it turned into a competition it wasn't as much fun, the guys seemed to find their talent and ended up beating us by just a couple of points in both games (half-time and post-game) we played.

I can't stand that pose on Brayden....had I seen the pic being taken I would have stopped it.

After the Senior Bowl, we flipped over to the Ducks vs. University of Washington basketball game.  Shockingly, our Oregon men's basketball team is ranked 16th in the nation - and will move up more after their win against the Huskies.  I'm not much of a basketball fan, but am definitely ready to jump on the bandwagon to support this team.

Folks mellowed out - and Whitley was the prime source of entertainment.  Heather was absolutely drawn in by Whitley's smiles and laughter.  It was clear as she fought with Jacob over who got to hold Whitley that she's a goner....just like me....totally enraptured by this amazing 5 1/2 month old baby.

Proof that Kaela was indeed part of the festivities - these pictures are all courtesy of her, so the least I could do was to snap a shot with her in it. 

There will be a few more pics that were taken after I'd downloaded her pics onto my computer.  After using/owning Apple computers for over ten years, for the first time tonight we realized that our laptops have memory card ports to directly download photos.  Are you kidding?  How easy is that....and how did we miss that over all of these years?

For sure, it was a very pleasant afternoon.  These folks make for WONDERFUL company - and the post game phone call from Kenjon that we put on speaker reminded us all again just how much he is and will be missed.

The Bleak, Sick Days of January

When Mikayla was preparing for school on Thursday morning, I had this gut feeling that things just weren't right.   She had been achy the night before - something that could have been "growing pains", but a little more widespread.  She was complaining of feeling dizzy, which isn't like her, and had persistent headaches for the couple of days prior.  Surprisingly, she wasn't begging to get out of school that day - (which she'd love to do normally) - it was almost as if she was just too tired to even try to argue why she should get to stay home.  I think that was my biggest clue.  I felt her forehead, it felt warmer than usual (I'm going to stop and brag for a second that I'm pretty spot-on with my temperature predictions based on forehead feels....Mikayla kept me in good practice these last 72 hours, that's for sure).  So, I told her she was staying home, and she wasted no time crawling into bed.  She virtually didn't leave that location from Thursday morning until Saturday afternoon.  (And, the break on Saturday only lasted a couple of hours before she returned again until Sunday late morning). 

I was giving my armchair diagnosis of her having the flu - but, you know, that's a word thrown out there that you always wonder if it's really the case, or just a cold gone bad.  Sure enough, though, as Mikayla looked up the symptoms online, she was 7 out of 7....dizzy, muscle ache, fever, sore throat, dry deep cough, chills/sweats...etc.  There was virtually no doubt as to what she was dealing with, which I guess is a bit comforting as a parent to know what you are up against, and know that a visit to the doctor isn't going to help things....rather, it's just a wait/fight it out.

So, I canceled the walk I was going to take with a college student, Mikayla's attendance at school, Mikayla's attendance at Webfoot practice (and consequently my role in carpooling), our Bible Study to happen at our house (and my attendance), and Friday's walk with Lisa.  Instead, I spent most of those three days sitting/laying on the other side of the bed from this girl:

I put the above picture on Instagram/Facebook on Friday and it was so sweet to see how many people commented to offer their support and "If there's anything we can do's".  I was also tickled at the comments of folks saying they'd never not seen Mikayla smiling.  Hmmmm, I guess that's good, but maybe we need to work on our authenticity as there's lots of "behind the scenes" not smiling from Mikayla on any given day.  She just seems to save a lot of it for home....and more often than not it takes place early in the morning or past 8:30pm - as she tends to break down in a hurry when she's tired.   But, clearly, this pic summarized it all - that was definitely how she felt all day Thursday and Friday.  Even the idea of staying home from school and getting to snuggle in bed with Mommy wasn't enough to offset the horrible way she felt with the flu symptoms.  =(  She was a good patient, though, took her temperature often, and didn't fight the "resting" part of it all.  

By Saturday, we were getting a bit of a smile from her...which helped us to know we were on the road to recovery.  So good to see for a mommy.  At one point on Saturday night, when Mikayla was especially hurting, she apologized for "ruining my whole weekend".  She was apologetic a lot over her time of being sick.  It's funny, because she tends to be overly dramatic about not feeling well on any given day - or getting unnecessarily hurt a lot - and those are the times I'm aggravated.  In circumstances like this, there was absolutely no lack of sympathy (which for me, who doesn't score well in the Mercy category of gifts, that's saying a lot!).  I've been there, and she deserved to be taken care of - and I was deeply thankful that I could do that for her.  I was also very thankful - as I described in my response to her apology of ruining my weekend, that I got to spend that time with her.  Outside of the fact that she felt like crud, it will be a weekend I'll remember and treasure as just being near her, reading/napping next to her, watching endless episodes of "Say Yes to the Dress" or "Phineas and Ferb" - and, having no where else I should be more than right there, at her side, in our bedroom (or getting up to get the steady stream of water bottles or Saltine packs).

 

Meanwhile, John and Brayden occupied the other part of our house, and continued the close companionship they've been especially sharing ever since the "Fiesta Bowl".  Lots of video game playing for those two.

The timing of Mikayla getting sick was about as good as it could have been as there wasn't a whole lot we were missing.  There was no Webfoot tournament, trip to Sunriver, major holiday, etc...  Instead, there have just been days and days of this around here:

The forecast had shown on Sunday that we were to expect Monday through Friday of this last week to be cold, but gloriously sunny.  Instead, it was cold - and just plain dreary.  No visibility, extra frigid (temps barely got above 35 degrees) with the extra fog moisture...and dark all day long.  I just can't see why there's an above average number of cases of "SAD" (Seasonal Affective Disorder) that come out of this area?!  All's to say, if Mikayla was going to pick the right time to get sick and leave us confined in our cozy bedroom, this week was just about ideal.   And, praise God, she's up and at 'em now - no long with fever and feeling about 80%.  As far as the flu goes...this could have been a whole lot worse. 

Pre-Birthday Surprise

When Heather showed up to Bible Study on Thursday night, she asked me (as she'd arrived early) if we had any plans in place for Friday or Saturday night.  She'd seen John's birthday in her calendar, knew Kenjon was going to have a short visit to Eugene, and wanted to pull something together to celebrate together.

That girl is too good to be true in her love for our family and efforts to make John feel loved and appreciated.  With Kaela also around, we were able to quickly determine that Friday would work best (given the day of Webfoot on Saturday), so she was going to get a hold of Kenjon and see if that would fit for him.  

It took until Friday afternoon for fans to very loosely fall into place.  Heather wanted to keep it all a surprise, if possible, but to what extent was going to be a mystery to all of us.

As it turned out, Drew and Kaela were able to go ahead to Red Robin to reserve a table for 11 of us.  (Good thing, too, as there were over 100 people waiting, and the wait time was an hour).  Meanwhile, I'd communicated with Travis to go along with John with the normal "Friday Night Whites" - meaning, they'd show up around 6 and we'd expect to just hang out at the house.  When John got home, I wondered if he thought something was up, as the kids and I were all looking "better than normal" and he actually opened the fridge to get something to eat and then decided he'd wait as he wanted to play a PS3 racing game with Brayden instead.  (Perfect!)  The Whites showed up, and then soon after, Heather - which surprised John a bit, but it was perfectly reasonable that she'd decide to just "crash" at our house on a Friday, so we ran with that plan.

Knowing our seating time was around 6:45, I waited a bit before suggesting that since I was still dressed up, maybe we could go out to eat.  This is John's dream-come-true statement from me as he's always willing to go out, particularly to Red Robin.  He quickly yelled enthusiastically "RED ROBIN" and off we went - with him entirely clueless that anything was premeditated.  (Later he confessed he was just so thrilled that I offer to go out he didn't want to do or say anything to mess that idea up!).  

Upon arriving, the place was packed.  I faked putting on our names on the list.  With it being so crowded, it took him about 10 minutes to even recognize that Drew and Kaela were waiting around the corner.  He was happy to see them, assumed they were on a date, and asked if they'd be willing to join us.  "Sure!"  After another 20 minutes or so of waiting, Kenjon walked in.  John was shocked to see him - and, of course, delighted - but still believed it had nothing to do with him and he had arrived just to have dinner with a buddy.  As I gave Kenjon a hug, I whispered in his ear, "He's still clueless!".  

I had a Cheshire cat grin on my face watching to see if John would piece it altogether...he finally asked, "Did you plan this?" and I could honestly say, "No, I didn't plan it".  He accepted that, and if it weren't for my continuing grin and repitition of the answer with the emphasis on "I" I really think he would have ran with it for the rest of the night.  Instead, Heather heartily deserved the credit, so we made sure she got it by coming clean with the story.  John was SO DELIGHTED!

Once he'd been clued in, Mikayla gave him additional details...

Heather, explaining the deception....

Poor Kenjon, since our last fateful outing at Red Robin with him, they think they can stake claim to his "child-like attention" during the meal.  It's like throwing a ball to a retriever - if he plays with them once and gets goofy - they'll want him to continue relentlessly.

Sporting some of Kenjon's accessories...

Drew and Kaela - willing to give up their "date" at Red Robin for us =)

The birthday sundae...

I don't think this look on Whitley's face is Kenjon's fault.  I can attest to the fact that she hadn't slept for long durations on Friday, and at this point, it was past her bedtime... (but otherwise, she did super in her first time in a "big girl highchair" at the restaurant!)

Heather was able to get a little bit better out of her...

After Red Robin, we headed over to where Michael Chase was working at Dickie Yo's - if he wasn't able to get the night off to join us, we were willing to go where he was at!  More pics to come from John's phone (the rest of these, courtesy of Kaela).

We were all content to call it a night around 8:30....Kenjon has already begun training for the NFL in L.A. - and was headed back Saturday - and both Heather and I were fighting a cold.  Given we were leaving in the morning at 6:30am, it all worked out great to call it a night early.  Short and sweet - but spot on for John!

Webfoot

Back in November, these four brave kids did try-outs for club volleyball.  Our local league is called "Webfoot" - and it is a very established and well respected program that many families that we know have had their kids compete in all through high school.  Honestly, I was surprised Mikayla was willing to step up to do something that demands so much of her time and definitely steps up the intensity - especially when initially, we weren't even sure if she'd know any of other friends participating.

From left to right in this picture are Natalie, Noah, Mikayla, and Grace.  Natalie and Grace both attended Mikayla's birthday party (proving they are among her favorite people) and Noah is our neighbor - part of a family that we are so thankful live only two houses down from us.  All of them played Kidsports volleyball this year as well on our teams.  

It was a HUGE praise that they all ended up on the same team of nine players together.  They are playing on 12 Green (meaning the kids on the team had to be 12 or under at the time of try-outs).  Mikayla JUST turned 11, so obviously, she is one of the younger ones - in fact, I think these four are the only fifth graders of the bunch with the other five girls are 6th graders on their team.

It was quite a family decision to determine if this would be a good fit for our family, as there are traveling tournaments on two weekend days every month.  This month (when tournaments began), the competitions happened two weekends in a row.  Last weekend, (when these pictures were taken), we were up in Portland area on Sunday for about 9 hours - and yesterday we were in the tournament facility in Salem for 11.25 hours!  They have to show up around 7am at each tournament, so it will probably lead to some hotel stays (as it did last weekend), dependent on the location.  That's a fun perk...we Rileys definitely like our Fairfield Inns with their indoor pools, cozy rooms, and Belgian Waffle continental breakfasts! =)

Ultimately, we concluded that January through May is a very "dead" time for us and therefore a perfect fit to the Webfoot season.  As volleyball is the only sport Mikayla has chosen to pursue - and is taking her own active motivation and dedication to improving and playing, we want to support her to get better and have opportunities to play.  It's timing is fortunately NOT in contrast to the one sport Brayden loves, which is football - though he is hoping to pick up some time on the field this spring by finding a flag football team to play on.

I went in very apprehensive - very nervous about the intensity and placement on teams, the craziness of tournaments, a fear of having to spend so much time making small talk with parents, etc.  However, all of it has turned out way better than I anticipated.  Mikayla's team is comprised of 9 very similarly-talented kids.  Each have particular strengths to offer, and no one player is "perfect".  I like almost all of them a lot - and even the one that we anticipated being more of a "struggle" based on attitude is going smoother than I thought.   Their coach (shown a little blurred in a light green shirt with blonde hair) is super sweet and enthusiastic.  She's a very good match for Mikayla for her first year, as she's not at all intimidating.

It's hard to remember that this is the same girl who could barely underhand serve a ball over the net that was well over a foot lower and probably 15 feet closer to where she's playing now back in 3rd grade.  She's improved so much - even in the few weeks of practice since she played on the Kidsports team that I helped coach.  She's now able to overhand serve the ball successfully over the net (at full womens' high school court/net size) more often than not....and for the record, yes, she is the smallest girl on the team.  (One of the other moms that I met last weekend said to her husband while seated next to me after watching Mikayla, "I just want to scoop her up and eat her with a spoon". - Okay, that's a little weird, but endearing nonetheless!)

While her serving is improving with each game (she tries so hard), her biggest asset to the team is her passing.  I think she'll eventually end up being a "libero" - which means she'll be the back row specialist and primary person to take serve receive.  I don't think she's all that hip on that idea right now as she doesn't want to be limited from doing anything else, but given her size and general consistency of getting the first pass back up in the air for the setter to set - I suspect that may be in her future.

The team has this fun thing they do when someone gets a serve over with a return.  They chant "A" "C" "E" as they touch their ankles, hips, and shoulders and then yell "ACE" in the air with their arms extended.  In the last game we played, Grace was on a run of (very important) ace serves, so they altered the final word to be "Grace" instead of "Ace".  Cute, and it made Grace feel loved!

Last year's "12 Green" team only won one match the whole season.  It included a few kids who didn't try and made life hard for those who did.  I'm so thankful this is not the case for our team.  Due to that team's success, our ranking began at 32 out of 53 teams.  We've played teams already ranked at #1 and actually gave them a run for their money...which is very encouraging.  While we've lost more than we've won so far, we have seen a few wins - one in which was pivotal in moving us up to #25 in rankings.  I suspect this team, as they grow together and gain confidence will only continue to move up.  =)

Both of the girls seated around Mikayla (Haley to the left, Sophie next to Mikayla) were girls she only met in mid-December.  I'm so proud and pleased that she's as happy as she is with these gals and able to establish the friendships so fast.  Sophie especially loves her....she seems to like the fact that she's so little and frequently smiling.  I sure hope that smile continues through May....so far, so good!

 

"For Such a Time As This"

While I touched on a bit when it was addressed in the comments on the "Whitley Olivia" post, I haven't specifically put up a post as to how it all came to be that Whitley has become a part of my life on a week-"day" basis.

I described how we all greeted Travis and Stephanie with hugs and tears on Christmas night 2011, when they realized the unbelievable truth that they were going to be parents and have a baby.  This wasn't supposed to happen, this wasn't part of their plan....and yet, God, in fact, designed it to be THE PLAN.

And...within moments of their announcement, I absolutely felt God inviting me to participate in that plan.  We all knew that the fears they had regarding their capabilities of being the "perfect parents" (which they are) would be something God would transform over time, likewise - all of the adjustments to how life would change so radically in simply being parents.  However, the one thing that would need a tangible solution was how they would take care of a baby when both of them needed to continue working full-time.  Knowing Steph's mom, ("Ladybug Grandma") already had her hands full with Steph's three nieces did not make that option optimal by any means - and Travis' family all works full time. 

I do not work away from the house full time.  While I had put time in subbing here and there that year, it was a job that was not "taking off" - and many times, felt like it was more effort than it was worth between trying to meet the needs of my own kids when I was working and the physical toll of headaches/emotionally draining aspect of it.   Blessedly, God has provided for us in the position John has at Tyson Steele enough to recognize that the income I was providing wasn't going to make or break us.   While I've kept myself pretty busy with mentoring college students, by no means did it ever "fill my schedule".  So, God nudged me.  And, I knew immediately what my answer would be, irregardless if the option was ever something Travis and Stephanie felt led to pursue.  If they wanted me, I would be there for Whitley.  "For such a time as this" kept re-playing over and over in my head - this was my time to be available.

I talked to John the next day about my thoughts, clearly it would influence our whole family.  He had no reservations, and no hesitations.  He 100% agreed with me, that if God was leading me, then it was something I should offer to Travis and Stephanie right away.  I didn't know it at the time (though I suspected), how very worried they were over who would be the one spending time with their child while they were at work.   I offered, they said, "Yes" - and there you go...I got to be an active part of the miracle that is Whitley Olivia White.

While it was obviously something God placed upon my heart, it didn't escape my head what this would mean for me and my lifestyle.  I've been through the infant stage, the baby stage, the toddler stage, the pre-school stage with not only my two kiddos, but being around Michele's kids.  Oh, the sleepless nights, the breast-feeding, the mastitis....WAIT A MINUTE....that's not my problem!  Yeah, that's right, I'm the one who gets the baby in the morning and gives her back early evening, and none of those breast-feeding issues (which were a lot of issues) would be mine to deal with again - much less any impact upon my sleep.  Well, with that in mind, "I've got this!".

Of course, that's way simplifying things.  I mean reality is a whole different story.  Because the one thing I forgot to take into account was....

...THE AMOUNT OF PLASTIC BABY ITEMS STREWN EVERYWHERE I LOOK!!!! 

Hee-hee - obviously, that's all said with sarcasm, but to tell you the truth, that is the ONLY aspect of this arrangement that I wish could be a little different (If only we had one more room....or a garage that isn't full to capacity already....).

************************************************************************************************************

When I first agreed to this, and began sharing with other people how my personal life would be influenced by the arrival of Whitley, I was met with so many expressions (spoken or unspoken) of "Really, are you sure about this?"  No, but God was - and is.

Sometimes I'd tell those inquirers a few of these reasons why, but mostly, they've merely filled my heart and soul with the marvel over God's love being so rich and so deep that He gives us what we don't even know to ask for.

The time span in which my kids were babies through pre-school is among the darkest and hardest of my life.  Not because my kids were rough - on the contrary, I had incredible babies that were full of joy and quite generally happy.  But, therein lies the problem - I can't even fully remember what my babies/toddlers were like.  Seriously, my memory is so cloudy of those days because I was SO FILLED WITH FEAR.

• I was insecure - and therefore defensive and uptight over all of the ways the people around me were raising their children and how my methods seemingly failed.  My (unbeknownst to us at the time) ADHD son didn't follow any schedule.  He fell asleep with the bottle and ate all the time.  Both our kids spent a lot of their sleeping time next to us at night.  I didn't offer food that was only organic and even let them have sweets.  Vegetables?  I wasn't a fan, so it wasn't something I wanted to overly push on them.  (Shocking - today, they aren't fans).  I loved my kids, rarely ever wanted to not have them around me, but would have loved at any given moment if someone else wanted to play with them (in my presence, so I could have them near me) - because I don't really love to play "pretend" - Oh, and yes, tv and video games were definitely a part of my kids' lives....even in the car (because during those years, John worked for the company that pioneered the automotive VHS/DVD players).   I didn't measure up to what I believed were the world's standards as to what a "good mom" was.
• I felt alone.  This changed after about Brayden's first year, but initially, I was one of the first of my then "peer group" to have a baby.  It changed everything and I felt so isolated at home.  I lived for the times I could spend with Michele, which due to John's very heavy travel schedule, were quite frequent for weeks at a time.  My normally busy lifestyle radically changed to turn into a calendar full of "blanks" - and it scared me to death to look at all of those empty days with just me and a baby - and what on earth I would do to fill all that time. 
• I didn't feel like being "just a mom" was enough.  I had been teaching - which offered measures of success and fulfillment.  What did I have to show for my "performance" at the end of any given day just being a mom?  It wasn't enough.  So, I turned to other things.  Little known fact, Michele and I actually co-wrote a novel with aspirations for publication at that time, in an attempt to prove that the co-class valedictorians of the class of '90 at Thurston High School had something more to show for themselves than dirty diapers, burp rags, and minivans.  In that same vein, I felt like "all this extra time" should at least be used for "God's Kingdom" by pursuing Women's Ministry and trying to jump through the hoops that the church had in place to be among "leadership".  That's information for another blog post, but it was a mess.  It only added to more feelings of being judged as a mom - and found inadequate.  Furthermore, I felt like I should be out shouting to everyone I knew about the love of God, but I was so isolated, I didn't have anyone to turn to.  Again, I could write a whole other blog post about how a joyful spirit attracts more to Christ than any sort of agenda I had - but, instead, I was so determined to prove myself worthy, all of that truth was lost on me.
• Finally, and most significantly, I was unhealthy.  Physically, my body was depleted because my son literally sucked me dry with his constant eating.  I produced a ton of milk - which made for great weight loss, but left my body falling apart.  By the time Brayden was six months old, I was CERTAIN I had MS, Lupus, Leukemia, Rhumatoid Arthritis or Parkinsons.  It all depended on the day as to which diagnosis I'd run with, but I certainly exhibited symptoms that could have led you to any of those conclusions.  This was when my neck began having issues - I had a herniated disk and while chiropractors would adjust to help things, one pick up of my son in his car seat would throw it all off again.  (He was nearly 10 pounds at birth).  That led to all sorts of very strange issues with hands shaking, going numb in extremities, etc.  Scary.  
• Whether you would say it's a result of undiagnosed post-partum depression or anxiety that had never surfaced in such a way - I was in a very bad place emotionally/mentally.  When I think back on those days with my own kids, so very much is remembered as if I was wearing shaded glasses- with a dark pallor cast on all of it.  Because, that's where my mind was.  In a dark place.  Not one vacation taken during that time is missing a hidden "subplot" of how I thought I was sick or dying.  In Boston (Brayden age 6 months), I could barely get out of bed with all of the ways my body was achy and exhausted.  In Yellowstone (Brayden age 18 months), I was sure I had breast cancer.  Nobody had explained what fibroid masses were - how they were benign (and most likely a result of mastitits scar tissue) - all I knew is that I had lumps in my breast and might not ever see my son grow up to get married. Every day was plagued with worry.  And, as is the horrible "Catch 22" of anxiety- it is a self-fulfilling prophecy in terms of creating physical problems for your body.  By the time Brayden had turned four years old, my heart would race without reason, "hiccup" and "somersault".  I would feel my pulse and it would be as if it would just stop - and then race.  At the same time, I was suffering the effects of a gallstone (that eventually went away on its own).  However, the cause of the chest pressure, pain, etc. was a mystery to me - hence, suffering from a heart attack was my new reason for panic.  By the time I finally saw my doctor to reveal just how bad off I was, I was crying in her office, with the highest blood pressure I've ever had in my life.  I explained more of the final solution to this in this post, but recognize that it wasn't discovered until after my son's fourth birthday.  SO MUCH TIME LOST.

My heart hurts over having lost all of that.  I kept a journal, and scrapbooked, so the highlights were preserved, but my journal is mostly filled with my own despair and pictures can't capture the memories of what moment by moment life with my little ones was really like.

And, now, I get a second chance.  She's not my baby, but I get to remember with each smile, giggle, and cuddle.  And, the beauty - the amazing miracle, I get to do it alongside of my own (shockingly well-adjusted despite my inadequacies!!!!) children.  Every day with Whitley exposed to Brayden and Mikayla gives me more and more discoveries of the wonder of my own kids along with, obviously, Whitley.   (I think it's pretty obvious based on all of the Instagram/Facebook pics I put up).  

I get to love on a baby and watch her grow with NO insecurity.  (Afterall, if she throws a tantrum in a store, I can always say, "Oh, she's not MY daughter....!")  I've been there, done that - and, nowadays, there's no time or purpose for insecurity. 

In a crazy twist of irony, exclusively caring for a baby is now my number one purpose, "job", and ministry.  Obviously, not at the expense of my "biological family", but in unison with it.  I don't, in any way, second-guess the importance of this roll I've been given.

In addition to all that, I get to see life again through the wonder of a baby - and marvel in her growth and changes.  I'm going into this no longer thinking, "this phase will never end and I will be changing diapers and cleaning binkies for the REST of my life!" to, "hold on and cherish this moment - and know that, unbelievably, tomorrow might be even more extraordinary".   I'm still relatively "new" to this roll, and only time will tell, but I am optimistic that even my feelings about the gray-ness and bleak days of winter will be somehow sunnier with Whitley in my day-to-day life.  I'm also recognizing the little lessons God is teaching:  That even though it may have worked this way once before, or how I thought I could make it work, God might have a different strategy He wants to guide me to follow.  Patience and stress....I thought I was really doing pretty good with these qualities, and then I try to balance two fighting siblings and a crying infant and realize I've got a ways to go.   Living in the moment - this is a big one.  Not only must I force myself to not envision a future outcome in which I will have inadvertently failed Whitley or allowed an accident to happen, but I also need to let go of the "to do" lists I'm used to compiling in my head and not equate success with how many are crossed off.  There will be a time to accomplish all of them (which definitely reduce exponentially after the holidays) - and I may actually find myself more productive in knowing I have pockets of Whitley "nap time" where I can race through a few chores at a time without getting overwhelmed with how to get everything done in one day.

I could go on and on (as I have already), but I think you'll see post upon post in the future that will give evidence on its own of all of the many more amazing ways Whitley's presence in my life will give me reasons to be thankful.   I'm already truly in awe....

WON THE DAY!!!

I think the high in Eugene yesterday reached a brisk 32 degrees - quite the contrast to where the boys were partying it up in Phoenix where the temperatures hovered around 70 degrees.  Lest you think I sound jealous, really, I'm incredibly happy for them to have this time together and despite my love for the sun post-Christmas, was happy to be at home with Michele for the game.

John sent me this pic of Brayden via text, displaying "our boy" on the cover of the program.

I know that John will have a ton of I-Phone pics to provide for me to put up when he returns tonight (he wisely chose to leave the big camera at home - last year it had to be "checked" when entering the stadium).   However, I found this picture on Facebook of my boys posing with Josh and Christi Skow.  These two are fantastic - and we love keeping in touch with them via Facebook and Christmas cards.  What a crazy thing for John and Brayden to be able to connect with friends we met as young married couples sharing a Sunday School class "back in the day" in a stadium of thousands of people.  They were were actually seated two rows back.  And, yes, they are Kansas State fans - I think that's where Josh went to school.  Eugene was just a chapter in their cross-country adventures, as they followed a job position Josh was led to at the time.  However, Josh told John that their eldest child is an avid Duck fan - as he was born in Eugene and insists that's "his team".  He'll get the last laugh in their family based on the outcome of the game.

(Brayden looks a little dazed in this picture.  I'm pretty sure it's not just that it's a bad pic...the reality is that due to all the airline chaos, he went into the Fiesta Bowl Game with one hour of sleep....  Yes, our son is an otter, and loves to play to no end....and does evade sleep whenever he gets the chance, but by the time the game was over and John called from the hotel at 10:30 - he was SPENT!)

Another online picture grab - of Kelli and Brian Ross supporting Kenjon.  Clever!

These pictures are courtesy of Eric Evans Photography, posted on Facebook....

Obviously, you'll see the recurring theme of #24.

The Ducks started the game with a bang, having DeAnthony Thomas run back the opening kick for a touchdown - and then a 2 point conversion.  Eight points on the board before our offense even took the field.  However, Kansas State seemed to take control (despite what the scoreboard said) until a minute before halftime.  Within a minute, the Ducks had scored a touchdown, and never looked back from there.  

Kenjon was amazing in the second half (the play calls kept him from getting many carries in the first half).  He'll go down in many of the Oregon records second only to LaMichael James for most yardage, etc.  

How bittersweet that this is the last time we'll see him wearing Oregon gear playing as #24.  He will be missed - of course by the team - but, most definitely by our family.

The final score of the game was 35-17.  Many of the commentators believe we should end up as #2 in the country when all is said and done with the BCS Series.  How we would have loved to have had a chance again at the National Championship, but we proved what we needed to in Glendale - and ended strong.

Yes, indeed - the Ducks WON THE DAY!

It's Fiesta Time!

Right now, my boys are en route to the Fiesta Bowl in Glendale, Arizona.  I'm not sure if they are there yet, as United Airlines has done a number on them with their connecting flight from San Francisco to Phoenix....(I keep getting email updates indicating flight delays).  I'm pretty sure they're rolling with it though - all part of their adventure.

They will be back late Friday night - I miss them already and hope they have the time of their lives.  Meanwhile, Michele, Traig, and Ellie are hanging with Mikayla and I (Nati and her dad are off hunting).  Michele and I are tag-teaming the single parenting right now.  (Which means we are escaping to my bedroom with loads of leftover bad food...diets begin next week - watching football, reading our Kindles - and pretending we are still in Sunriver).

Couldn't resist uploading this Modern Family Match-Up - as both actors represent their alma mater in UO and Kansas State....

GO DUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Just got a text saying John and Brayden are in Phoenix, picking up their rental car - and indeed, having a blast! PTL!!!)

Sobering

I got the sweetest message in my Facebook from Tiffany today asking if I was okay.  I can't tell you how much it warmed my heart, that someone I've never met - and only know through my blogging community (just like Sara) - knows me well enough to sense if something might be off and cares enough to ask.

We are home now.  I have enough fodder for a final full day blog post about our fun in Sunriver.  I'll get around to that when I can get the computer and the camera for an extended period of time.  By far and away, we had the best weather/snow amount ever - which makes all the difference in truly feeling like you've escaped to a winter wonderland.  It was a very happy vacation -

A few things sobered us on our final day, though -

1)  Poor Whitley got sick.  She was up though most of Saturday night and only found comfort when she was held by Steph.  Consequently, they left a day early so they could be on "their own turf" when trying to comfort and care for their baby.  Anyone who's ever had a baby that's sick knows how hard it is, but just how much more stressful when you are in a new environment and self-conscious of the baby's crying keeping everyone up (which, for the record, it did not).  As of yesterday, she's feeling better, just sniffles to report. 

2) I got sick.  My headache began as a dull thud the night before we left - so I was hopeful a heating pad overnight would do the trick.  But, then that changed to ice on the couch in the middle of the night - and my full arsenal of pain killers upon waking.  None of it worked.  Eventually, I ended up in the hot tub, having dunked my head in the water so the below freezing temps would freeze my hair, to keep my head "on ice" for about 4 hours while the rest of the family faithfully packed up the house without any help from me.  (Michele nicely mentioned that it's about time I lose out on a "sucky part of life" due to my headaches vs. always missing out on the fun stuff!).  By the time we left, I was throwing up, relying on my daughter to dress me, and perfectly still on pillows for the roadtrip home.  Good times!!!!  Fortunately, and blessedly, by the time we got home, the worst had passed and I was functioning again as a semi-human being.  It's a good thing too, as very sadly, my mom was dealing with a similar scenario herself with tremendous neck pain.  Thankfully, she's now feeling better too...

3)  A friend of ours lost her brother.  Lisa S. - who you'll see in the Glory Days Post from a couple weeks ago, lost her brother to altitude sickness when he was climbing at 22,000 feet in Argentina.  It wasn't determined that he'd died until our return trip on Monday - as of Sunday, it was known that he was still on the mountain, sick and alone, as two of his buddies had returned to camp for help.  One of the buddies died as well from the same sickness.  My heart aches for their family....

So, that's all quite a reality check.   It made my desire to put up my final vacation blog post seem a little trivial.  Three years ago, we got a similar phone call/text on perhaps the same day on the calendar of another friend's brother-in-law passing away.  While vacations and "favorite days of our lives" happen, other folks are experiencing those days that will forever be marked as one of /the worst of their lives. 

Again, I can't imagine going through such seemingly helpless circumstances without the comfort of a Savior who's been through all of this pain and took it all upon Himself to give us the promise of a life everlasting free from this despair.