Anticipating the Worst

I've done a couple of posts about anticipation - and how much I enjoy the positive anticipation of an upcoming activity - almost to the point of enjoying it more than the event itself. Because, of course, the event never matches the realms of our imagination or expectation, or if it does, it doesn't last.

However, due to a couple of situations I've either witnessed recently or read about in other people's blog's (a woman who's son was nearly killed in an auto accident, a woman our age battling a rare form of cancer) - It's had me pondering the other side of anticipation - the fear of what could happen. Is that the definition of fear or worry? I'm not sure, but I suppose it's the flip side of what I described in the above paragraph.

I know it's been a random question posed to most of us - "If you were going to die [or someone close to you], would you want to know ahead of time (so you could prepare) or not know?" I'm the "I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW" sort of person. I'm confident my mind would create so much more pain in preparation of the event that I would completely lose out on any of the positives I could create in knowing. I am, by nature, a worrier. I do not get depressed very easily but I have struggled (particularly in the past) with anxiety. I am skilled in creating scenarios in my mind of what-ifs that can get really bad..... However, I am actually quite good at dealing with emergencies. I have yet to have a major tragedy befall my family, but we've certainly had our share of near-tragedies. In each of them, as awful as they were, I felt like all I could do was rest in the Lord's hands - it was out of my control, I prayed, cried, begged and saw prayers answered "yes", and some not - and knew that God was in control.

And, therein lies, to me, the big difference - when I anticipate a tragedy, I don't and won't give it over to the Lord. My mind takes it, grabs hold, and works out every awful possibility to the fullest extent. For anyone who's ever been there - it's a debilitating feeling, and I can only guess the victory Satan must feel when we go down this road. Oh, the satisfaction he feels - us, crippling ourselves and rendering ourselves unable to even think straight.

Michele has an awesome quote from a courageous, wonderful author that she developed an email relationship with after reading one of her books. The woman had a resume of tragedy - numerous cancer battles, miscarriages, family sorrows, etc - and yet, her perspective was glorious - (if it weren't so late, I'd call Michele for the quote, but I'm hoping she'll read this and comment to provide it )- All's to say, is that this woman knew that God doesn't meet us in our worries of what could happen, he meets us where we are, in the present. In the present, this woman is now in the presence of the Lord, she passed away several years ago, but her story and words have stuck with me.

Some of my own inspiration in writing this is very benign. Upcoming is my least favorite season - little to look forward to in the next couple of months besides rain. And, this very attitude creates such a dread for me that it can actually cut into my holiday celebrations in worrying about how I'll worry about it! Stupid, huh? So, I'm writing this partly for my own sake - God will meet me day by day, in a deluge or rain, or in the brightness of summer sunshine, He'll be there. I need not worry or fret - tomorrow will take care of itself.......

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself, each day has enough trouble of its own" Matthew 6:34